Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize