I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize