Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
