I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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