My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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