out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
