You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
