$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
