I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
