so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
