Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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