They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
