hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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