oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
