you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize