$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's blow job season.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
