So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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