I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
