this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
