Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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