u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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