I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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