That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
