Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
MIDGETS
????
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
