By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
