I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize