3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
