is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
