im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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