he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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