sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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