At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
