hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
