i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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