my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
