I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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