And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
