Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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