We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
