There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
