There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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