Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
