uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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