The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
