Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
