Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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