My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
