i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
