Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
