obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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