Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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