Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is my gift to your gina
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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