when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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