Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
