her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
