he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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