I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
