I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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