i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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